Not sure what movie to watch in his honor. Has to be Easy Rider? Saw it in Philly over summer recess, after graduating college and before leaving for law school. Not easy remembering who or what happened during that period except that the world seemed to change and he helped liberate me. He seemed so grown up and free of restraints. He also seemed so crazy, so against everything, so high all the time, and so nuts. I should have paid more attention to his act. Maybe I would have been better off had I been a Rebel Without a Cause.
Five wives. Art collector. Art maker. Actor. Director. Writer. Almost as interesting as Ben Franklin. He should be buried in Blue Velvet.
Meet Monsieur Pommes Frites Pommes de Terre Tete. I call him Frenchy. Here, armed with a martini and some champagne, he battles the lobsters which the Sharon and I will share for our celebratory anniverse dinner. He has fought the shelled creatures before, preparing them for boiling as a picador in the tercio de varas would prepare a bull, never losing a bout or overdoing his job. He leaves them worn out, but not so tired that they don’t fight back a little when the hit the water. His courage comes from a potatoes natural starchiness and chilled Chopin vodka, very dry, straight up.
But last night’s feast did not come without some prayer and hope for all who inhabitant the Gulf region affected by the oil catastrophe. I look at the pictures of the birds covered with oil, wondering where will they live. If it would make a difference, I would stand in the muck and wave a banner telling them to go back from whence they came. They cannot read of course and where would they go? I feel for the grass, plants, and insects, along with all the little sea creatures that feed us or each other. Nothing I can do for them, either. At least they have my thoughts.
How will anything living survive there? It won’t. And then what happens the next time a hurricane hits? What will the people do? Where will they go? They have already had one bout with the end of their lifestyle. Pretty Joblike, they must be.
Me. Feeling pretty powerless, I am, knowing those I thought were regulating the risk weren’t and those I thought could fix it can’t. VT could be next if VT Yankee fails. Have much the same feeling about who is in charge here, too, and whom they think will be responsible – Entergy, a LA corporation, I believe. Big oil, big energy, big banks, big insurance companies. Its them for them selves. Us? We be the cogs in their game. Maybe they will leave us some crumbs.
Enough. Had a reasonably terrific time at dinner, Sharon being the great date that she has always been. Watched my diet. Not too much butter on the lobster. Not too many tater tots. Some broccoli de rabe with garlic oil. Didn’t drink too much. Bollinger Special cuvee. Some wine from the club Sharon belongs to at a local store. Leonardo’s Vermont Ice with fresh fruit and generic chocolate cookies. We laughed until we cried about something; I cannot remember what. Listened to Monk and who knows who else. Would not have been anywhere else or wished for anything more, other than the safe future for all living things on the Gulf coastline.
This weekend we celebrate 30 years of love. Most honor their wedding day. We prefer to remember when the romance began. I usually tell people who want to know how long we have been married, “not long enough.” Why count the past when it comes to love? Only the future matters.
I said to Sharon when she reminded me of the date and duration that, “I hope we have 30 more.” “NO0000,” she shreiked. Not that she doesn’t love me; she just doesn’t want to age too much. Not a pretty sight, I agree, the two of us unable to reach from wheelchair to wheelchair for a grope or a handhold, a robot rolling us to to areas out of harms way in some drab facility, hopefully in front of a window with a view of the lake, eating liquid foods through a tube, fighting off colds and boredom. No more lobsters and champagne. No dope. No martinis. No movies, books, or art. No reading to one another. No giggles in the shower or erotica between the sheets. No humor or jazz.
I will take every day that I can with her, because who knows if there will be a tomorrow. Not that I fear the end of man, which would be alright. I fear losing her. No reason to be without her.
I have to say I love her more today than ever. Who knows the pitfalls of life and love with another until one has lived them. I said I would be with her through whatever the vows made me promise. She agreed to the same terms. I didn’t know what sickness or disasters awaited, though I knew I would face them. And I did. Not handling some as well as others. But I have to say I could not have done as well as I did without her.
What have I done for her? Not enough. I will keep loving her. What more can I do?
An exciting endeavor. Others have done it. So will I. Cannot predict the future. Who will I meet? What will I say? Not sure of the content or the form, but I had to start somewhere.
